Compassion training 101

Mom, what if YOU were a baby and someone kept pulling your hair to put it in braids?
Mom, what if YOU were that turkey and someone pulled your feathers out and tied your feet together so you would cook faster?
Mom, what if YOU were that table and someone scrubbed on you until you shined?
Mom, what if YOU were that Lego Man and someone vacuumed YOU up?

I could go on...apparently he is trying to tell me something...

The Tickler!!...dun, dun, duuuuun (scary sounding music)

Tonight the boys had extra wiggles than usual. Sam was laughing manically at Toby who was trying to brush his teeth while being tickled by squirrely Sam. After some serious threats, Sam decided to actually go and get his pj's on. Toby and I took this opportunity to set up a great "scare" for Sam. We turned off the lights in the office and hid behind the open door waiting for him to come up. As we were standing there, in the dark, listening to our own breathing and trying not to snicker, Sam called out, "Toby! The Tickler is coming! As soon as I find my, what? Where did my jammies go? I just had them right here...Tickler is coming! I...argh...umph...can't...find..."

Lo, and behold, he finally came stomping up from the basement and started to call for us. We were being stealthy and silent, feeling that tickle in our spines of excitement that we were going to get him good...Sam finally wandered into the office to the sound of our screams and jumped about a mile! He quickly turned on the light which, in turn, gave Toby and I quite a shock.

Little known fact: "The Tickler" is code for a little boy wearing only socks and a pair of mirrored swimming goggles with his white blonde hair sticking straight out from the sides of his head. Apparently he gave up trying to find his pj's.

Mr. Freckles...

Ever since Sam could talk he was sure to remind me that he KNEW who he was...just in case I forgot. I have yet to find a nick-name that he will accept. "I AM NOT buster Brown! I AM NOT Mr. Vanilla Bean! I am NOT cute, but I AM precious..." His new thing is reminding me that he is the one talking to me, every time he says something. "Hey! I think we should go to Chuck E. Cheese, you know, Me, Sam." "Sam, do you want dessert?" "Yes, I do! Me, Sam, that is." "Mom! Toby is hitting me! You know, me, Sam!"

My favorite interaction we have had on this subject happened last week after I got home from a week at my sister's in Missouri. I took the boys on a "date" to Whole Foods for cookies and hot chocolate. While we were sitting all cozy in the big arm chairs in the cafe area, I went through my list of things I had missed while I was gone. "Sam, I missed your good-smelling hair. I missed your chirpy words. I missed your chocolate eyes. I really missed your freckles..."

"I AM NOT Mr. Freckles!!! I'm Me, you know, Sam."

I love that kid. He is now permanently Mr. Freckles, like it or not.

Increasingly uncomfortable conversation...

Sam: "Mom!!! Do you have eggs like a CHICKEN??"
Me: "Yes, Sam, but they are very, very small."
Sam: "Smaller than tomato seeds? Tomato seeds are sooooo small."
Me: "Even smaller than tomato seeds."
Sam: "But how do they get in your uterus? What does a uterus look like? Can you see it? Where IS your uterus?"
Me: "My uterus is in my tummy. That's where the babies grow before they are born."
Sam: "Did you know that Penelope was the size of a zucchini when she was born?"
Me: "Wow. That is interesting, how do you know that?"
Sam: "She brought in a picture of her birth. Did you know I have tomato seeds? We can plant them in the garden..."

No Soup For You!!!!

Sam: Mom! That soup is so hot it felt like an electrical shock from the wall outlet that goes all the way through your tummy - but hotter!
Mom: Well, Sam, you would know that now, wouldn't you?

Never a good sign...

The following mental "snapshots" are NEVER a good sign of things to come. If you see these things happening around you, ALWAYS investigate, DO NOT HESITATE, disaster won't wait...

1. Back porch, blonde boy, naked, wood pile, hammer, running...
2. Large tree, begging, legs straddling a large branch just in eyesight, shoelaces knotted together on underside of branch...
3. Quiet house, brother's toothbrush, new bottle of hand soap, toilet...
4. Bubble gum, automatic car window, control button moving up and down, open mouth, blonde bangs...
5. Mud filled garden hose, older brother, HOT July afternoon...
6. Rubber spider from Chuck E. Cheese, Alfredo sauce, leaf separation spot in dining room table...

The bee's ears. (NOT to be confused with The bee's knees)

This morning's breakfast table:

Sam: "Mom, you can make candles out of bee's earwax, but how do you make it from people's earwax?"

Mom: (snickering quietly) "Sam, how do you think they get the earwax from the bees to make the candles?"

Sam: "A LOT of bee's ears."