Sam Cryptology 101

1. I'm 500 empty tummies!
(I'm super hungry)
2. It's 100 of hotness outside!
(It's really hot out)
3. I love you ALL THE DAYS.
(love forever)
4. I had so much money I bought a five dollar bill!!!!
(I exchanged quarters in at the bank, which I miscounted and am convinced they stole the 21st quarter)
5. Brussels Sprouts taste like Leaves!
(I've tried alot of leaves and still haven't found any that taste good)
6. That's like lightening in my mouth!
(that's too hot)
7. I haven't eaten bresfixt!
(I'm hungry for BREAKFAST)

Eww...(True Confessions from the disgusted, yet strangely entertained).

Last night, while munching away at yummy Jason's Deli, I looked over to find that Sam wasn't actually ON his seat where he was a second before. Just then his little toe-head popped up to report on all the sticky gum he had just found under the table. "Some of it is still squishy!" "Can I eat it?"

After I promptly screeched at him in a very inappropriate decibel for an "indoor voice," he begrudgingly went to the bathroom to wash his hands. After a VERY conspicuous absence, Daddy went in after him. Five minutes later, Dad returned to his meal while chuckling quietly and Sam rejoined us at the table. We went on to finish the meal pleasantly. Sam and Toby were excused and playing before Daddy decided to confess...Apparently there is a metal trap of sorts, that is removable I might add, that keeps non liquid objects from being flushed down the urinals in men's bathrooms...Apparently there was a lot of hand washing happening AFTER daddy went in to see what was taking so long.

Holy Warnings Batman!

The kids were all in bed. We had friends over and were enjoying a late dinner and a movie when suddenly the Christmas tree next to Dathan sprouted a head that called out, "Mom! I'm up to get a drink!" After jumping out of my skin I realized that Sam, who was NOT sleeping like a good little boy, had snuck up the stairs and stealthily climbed under our tree for who knows how long. As I glowered at him trying to decide what to do with the little curmudgeon, he decided he needed to get his little puppy dog eyes closer to me to achieve the desired effect. While he was working his way over he stubbed his toes on a clump of pine needles that had fallen from the tree and consequently crumpled into a little ball on the floor. I realized that I was receiving Heavenly support in my parenting and told Sam that he must have just gotten a "Spanking from God" for not staying in bed like I asked him to. As our friends and I were sitting there quietly pondering my deep wisdom, the little lump on the floor whispered, "But, He didn't even give me a warning." :)

The opposites.

Normal behavior for noise cancelling head phone use: Put over ears in order to muffle very loud sounds for either ear protection or ability to focus.
Sam behavior: Put over ears at dinner table. Ask 398 questions in rapid sequence in a loud enough voice to hear it through the head phones. Do not stop to wait for answers or...pretty much anything.

Normal behavior for push scooter: use as a tool for getting from one place to another; balance with one foot and push with other to operate scooter.
Sam behavior: take scooter and slam onto ground to very ineffectively break ice, chalk, or any other substance found on sidewalks; use as a swing when turned upside-down and hung from a pine tree branch; quickly spin it in circles to be used as an effective weapon against the ankles of your enemies, both foreign and domestic; after going 200 yards with scooter, sit on the bottom blade and beg to be pulled by the hand grip while you "rest".

Normal behavior for dining utensils: use a fork, spoon, or knife as a tool to eat with while keeping your hands and face free from becoming soiled.
Sam behavior: use fork to flick food as far as possible from plate while eating with your fingers; find bits of food and smash against any hard surface to see "how it looks squished"; take spoon and place between 2nd and 3rd toes and do a funny dance with it for all to see; hide knife in pocket until mother leaves the table to get something from kitchen; use knife to frantically try and cut open: wires, match boxes, unscrew doorknobs, remove t.v. power button, etc.

Normal behavior for mothers of Sams: cry, yell, grit teeth, time-out, spank, etc.
Optimal behavior for THIS mother of Sam: love, love, love that kid. I sure hope he lives a long time. :)

Compassion training 101

Mom, what if YOU were a baby and someone kept pulling your hair to put it in braids?
Mom, what if YOU were that turkey and someone pulled your feathers out and tied your feet together so you would cook faster?
Mom, what if YOU were that table and someone scrubbed on you until you shined?
Mom, what if YOU were that Lego Man and someone vacuumed YOU up?

I could go on...apparently he is trying to tell me something...

The Tickler!!...dun, dun, duuuuun (scary sounding music)

Tonight the boys had extra wiggles than usual. Sam was laughing manically at Toby who was trying to brush his teeth while being tickled by squirrely Sam. After some serious threats, Sam decided to actually go and get his pj's on. Toby and I took this opportunity to set up a great "scare" for Sam. We turned off the lights in the office and hid behind the open door waiting for him to come up. As we were standing there, in the dark, listening to our own breathing and trying not to snicker, Sam called out, "Toby! The Tickler is coming! As soon as I find my, what? Where did my jammies go? I just had them right here...Tickler is coming! I...argh...umph...can't...find..."

Lo, and behold, he finally came stomping up from the basement and started to call for us. We were being stealthy and silent, feeling that tickle in our spines of excitement that we were going to get him good...Sam finally wandered into the office to the sound of our screams and jumped about a mile! He quickly turned on the light which, in turn, gave Toby and I quite a shock.

Little known fact: "The Tickler" is code for a little boy wearing only socks and a pair of mirrored swimming goggles with his white blonde hair sticking straight out from the sides of his head. Apparently he gave up trying to find his pj's.

Mr. Freckles...

Ever since Sam could talk he was sure to remind me that he KNEW who he was...just in case I forgot. I have yet to find a nick-name that he will accept. "I AM NOT buster Brown! I AM NOT Mr. Vanilla Bean! I am NOT cute, but I AM precious..." His new thing is reminding me that he is the one talking to me, every time he says something. "Hey! I think we should go to Chuck E. Cheese, you know, Me, Sam." "Sam, do you want dessert?" "Yes, I do! Me, Sam, that is." "Mom! Toby is hitting me! You know, me, Sam!"

My favorite interaction we have had on this subject happened last week after I got home from a week at my sister's in Missouri. I took the boys on a "date" to Whole Foods for cookies and hot chocolate. While we were sitting all cozy in the big arm chairs in the cafe area, I went through my list of things I had missed while I was gone. "Sam, I missed your good-smelling hair. I missed your chirpy words. I missed your chocolate eyes. I really missed your freckles..."

"I AM NOT Mr. Freckles!!! I'm Me, you know, Sam."

I love that kid. He is now permanently Mr. Freckles, like it or not.