"Facts are stubborn things..."

11 Facts that cannot be refuted even by a 5 year old boy:

1. Water balloons WILL cause a toilet to overflow when flushed in a panic ("Quick! Dad's coming! Flush it!!!").
2. Toilets profusely overflow until the water balloon that is completely blocking the drain is burst with a sharp object and an angry father.
3. A bath tub filled with water is simply not big enough for two boys to hide in, no matter how quiet they are.
4. Eight Bobby-pins inserted into an electric outlet WILL produce a strong enough shock to make you cry in pain. They do not, however, produce a strong enough shock to keep a young boy from trying it again.
5. Cinnamon tastes great in a baked dessert and on oatmeal, but NOT by itself in an amount large enough to fill your whole mouth. In fact, it tastes so bad that it may require an entire glass of water and three sneezes to recover.
6. It's impossible to pull off your own nipples. They are permanently attached, though surprisingly stretchy.
7. A Panera Bread gift card will never get money to come out of an ATM machine no matter how hard or frantically you swipe it.
8. If you are given a quarter and you lose it, requesting help to find it (in the highest pitched, most relentless voice possible) from your mother 85 times in 2 minute period at 5:58 a.m. is not a good plan of action, nor does it bode well for your quarter.
9. Garbage disposals need to be replaced after getting jammed from grinding a quarter.
10. Chanting, "You're o.k. baby, you're o.k. baby, you're o.k. baby" while your baby sister is screaming because you put a clothes pin on her nose is NOT going to make it o.k.
11. Noodles can fit in the most amazing and creative places: noses, locks, toy truck cabs, table joints, refrigerator door jambs, sister's ears, snow boots, under mom's pillow, between piano keys, underpants (while wearing them), and in the crevice of your brother's bunk bed. Yes, these have all been found and proven by a most intelligent and inquisitive mother.

I attest to the truth of these fact having been proven on multiple occasions in my very own house. Please send donations and well-wishes to my mental institution/retirement fund.
Detective Treat (a.k.a. Sam's mommy)

Found!

After many weeks of wondering where some of my most used objects were disappearing to...I found them! I was putting the pressure on my son to eat his scrambled eggs before leaving for school, which he was resisting. I left the room to get something from the kitchen and heard his plate clanking around. When I came back in he happily exclaimed that his eggs were gone! I knew he was up to something...After checking the floor under the table I looked up and found a little shelf underneath the table, which can only be seen or accessed from crawling underneath. In it I found the treasures of my little Sam's heart... 9 Bobby pins, my blackberry phone holder, Dathan's favorite pen, 4 quarters, 2 pennies, and 1 very old cucumber and his scrambled eggs. The jig is up kid!

I'm honored...

Mom: Sammy, I sure love you! Have a great time at Grammy's house.
Sam: (looking deep and seriously into mother's eyes) I love you too, mommy. Um, here's some dried boogers...Bye!