Well...

This "conversation" followed after Sam was tucked into bed for the fourth time tonight.

Mom: Why aren't you going to sleep? Are you scared?
Sam: Yeah, it's too dark.
Mom: OK...Here's a little light for you now. Is that better?
Sam: Yes.
Mom: Just lay still with your eyes shut and think about all the great things you are going to do in pre-school tomorrow, and before you know it, it'll be morning!
Sam: Well......Will it be Christmas? Or Halloween? A halloween party? Maybe there'll be a piñata and I can get four candies if I hit it. Or maybe five, or six, or seven, or eight, or nine, or ten...If there is ten candies in the piñata, I could hit it and pick up one, or two, or three...
Mom: Goodnight Sam.
Sam: ...or four, or five, or six...

I can still hear him now, while I am typing. I think he is still counting...

Character building exercizes for babies...

How to build character/patience in younger sisters:

1. Wait patiently for Mom to dress unsuspecting sister in a dress with tights.
2. Find sister's favorite toy. Still wait patiently.
3. After baby is placed on ground to play and crawl, wait for mom to go out of ear shot.
4. Take saved favorite toy and place 5 feet from where baby is playing.
5. Get her attention with a sweet voice calling her to come and get her toy.
6. When sister begins to crawl towards her toy, run quickly to the back of her.
7. Proceed to step on her feet gently, only catching the extra part of her tights that hang over her toes with your shoes.
8. Step with all your weight on her rapidly stretching tights.
9. Laugh maniacally at sister all the while ignoring her frustrated complaints and NEVER letting go of her tights.
10. Jump off of tights and look as innocent as possible when hearing Mom come back towards room to see why baby is fussing.
11. Never let on that you know how the baby managed to stretch her tights 5 feet past her toes.

Our Christmas activities set to Popular Tunes...

This lovely, melodious gem is from Toby:

(Upon arriving at my sister's house in Gunnison and greeting their dog, Champ)
Ruff, ruff, bells, ruff, ruff, bells, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruuuufff. (repeated 20 times)

(While playing his new Star Wars video game)
Joy to the death! The Death has come! You Die! You Die! You DIIEE!

to be continued...

Spiritual Anatomy

Sam: Mom, Jesus doesn't live in my heart.
Mom: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Why doesn't he live in your heart? Do you not believe in Him?
Sam: No, mom. Jesus doesn't live in my heart...He lives in my neck!

An alarmingly re-occuring theme...

(This conversation was heard over the top of my husband snickering at me in the car today)
Sam: Can we go to Walmart so I can go into the bathroom and buy a diaper for Annalise? Not that she needs too many, just one, just in case she poops alot. They only cost a quarter and they are in the machine in the mommy bathroom at Walmart...
Toby: NO, they aren't diapers, I think that they are wipes for mommys.
Sam: No, mommy said that they are like diapers...
Toby: No, I really think they are like wipes that only mommys use.
Sam: NO, they are diapers. I know it. AND they only cost a quarter...I have two! We can each get one!

The Diaper Machine

Sam: Dad, I just want to take my quarters to the movie theater, but not to see a movie.
Dad: Why do you want to go to the theater if not to see a movie?
Sam: Well, I want to put my money in that machine!
Dad: What machine?
Sam: I want to buy Annalise some diapers!
Dad: What?!?!
Sam: You know, the diaper machine in the ladies bathroom! I want to put my quarters in there and get one!
Dad: (laughing) Did mommy tell you those were diapers? Ha, ha, ha! No, son, we're not going to go get some of those diapers.

Tips for money handeling...by Sam

How NOT to flatten a wrinkled dollar bill (that you want to take to the Mall to put in the change machine so you can get some quarters and put them into the other machine that has all the gumballs):

1. Go into the garage and get your dad's hammer. Place dollar bill on (great-grandmother's) dining table and hammer on all the wrinkled spots. Ignore screeching mother. Keep hammering until obvious that wrinkles are NOT budging.

2. Ask brother for help flattening dollar bill. Soundly reject all logical ideas presented. Begrudgingly go along with the large and heavy book strategy. Proceed to ignore brother's idea to place dollar bill in book and let it sit. Place dollar bill on (great-grandmother's) dining table and proceed to smash it with the large and heavy book. Ignore red-faced and screeching mother. Keep smashing until obvious that wrinkles are NOT budging.

3. Take dollar bill with you as you walk away from table. Proceed to play with baby sister on the floor. Leave dollar bill next to her while you move on to playing with other toys and irritating older brother. Let baby suck on dollar and proceed to get it soaked through with saliva until wrinkles are relaxed. Pick up dollar and repeat 20 times in a row at a very high and loud pitch, "Let's go to the Mall! I want to go to the Mall!" Ask for a sip of mother's wine.