Sam: Grammy! Look at what I made. See? I stuck this sparkle light bulb in the end of this mouse trap (a little black box that electrocutes the little scavengers after they wander in). I think that they will go inside and see the light and think it is a rollerskating disco party. And then they'll die.
Grammy: That's pretty creative Sam....What are you eating?
Sam: I have peanut butter on my fingers.
Grammy: Uhhh....
Mom (from the kitchen): What!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!? Did you eat the peanut butter out of the mouse trap? AHHH! Something like 20 mice have died eating that peanut butter! Gross, go wash your hands and mouth please.
Dad: Ha, ha, ha, ha, he, he, he! That's pretty gross. Good one, Sam. Let's go get you washed.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
From joking to true fear...
As I was getting ready for work last week, a whiff of acrid smoke floated by my nose. I was very confused since Dathan was down in the basement and Annalise and Sam were (I thought) at the breakfast table. While I was calmly trying to find the source of the smoke, Sam timidly spoke up about NOT being at the table the whole time. He admitted to me (and showed me the highly sought but never found) new place that he has been stashing things. From inside the shade of our halogen floor lamp - he pulled out a freshly filled squirt gun. Yes, he used it. Where, you ask? Well...in our electrical outlets of course! The source of the green and acrid smoke was from the smoldering and crackling outlet closest to that lamp! In a panic we got the power turned off to the house and the smoke began to dissipate. Sam, meanwhile, began to realize that we were very upset with his latest "challenge to the laws of physics", and sat very still and quiet for about the third time in his short life. His biggest fear from this whole ordeal was that his Grammy would find out that he started a fire in our wall - NOT for his life.
You know, I actually had a woman at work tell me that I needed to simply tell him that those sort of "experiments" were not o.k. and he would stop, just like her little girls did. Somehow I think that words aren't really working with this monkey. I am praying that the shooting flames and screaming mother might have tipped the scales in understanding that outlets and electricity ARE actually real and quite dangerous when played with. Do I sound bitter? I hope not. I am truly afraid at the indigenous need for this one to prove the Laws of Physics wrong (which he came by honestly from his Daddy). For those of you who have judged my abilities as a parent due to the sheer mass of crazy that comes from this kid, apologies are now being accepted. For those of you who might have seen first hand what little Sam Treat is capable of (without meaning to be bad...) prayers for my sanity are also welcome.
You know, I actually had a woman at work tell me that I needed to simply tell him that those sort of "experiments" were not o.k. and he would stop, just like her little girls did. Somehow I think that words aren't really working with this monkey. I am praying that the shooting flames and screaming mother might have tipped the scales in understanding that outlets and electricity ARE actually real and quite dangerous when played with. Do I sound bitter? I hope not. I am truly afraid at the indigenous need for this one to prove the Laws of Physics wrong (which he came by honestly from his Daddy). For those of you who have judged my abilities as a parent due to the sheer mass of crazy that comes from this kid, apologies are now being accepted. For those of you who might have seen first hand what little Sam Treat is capable of (without meaning to be bad...) prayers for my sanity are also welcome.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tree poop and other assorted things...
Quotes straight from the kid himself:
"Today I helped Grampy clean up all the tree poop after the rain!" (a.k.a. seed pods)
"I watched a boy get punched in the eye hat!" (a.k.a. eye lid)
"We had loose goose for lunch today" (a.k.a. couscous)
"A heart attack is when your heart gets sick. And when you have a heart attack, Jesus gets hurt."
"I think that Annalise puts her green beans on the floor to save for a snack."
"Today I helped Grampy clean up all the tree poop after the rain!" (a.k.a. seed pods)
"I watched a boy get punched in the eye hat!" (a.k.a. eye lid)
"We had loose goose for lunch today" (a.k.a. couscous)
"A heart attack is when your heart gets sick. And when you have a heart attack, Jesus gets hurt."
"I think that Annalise puts her green beans on the floor to save for a snack."
Sunday, April 4, 2010
New favorites.
Quotes from the weekend:
(after smashing his lollipop with my *disgusting* foot skin file thingy and licking the lollipop and foot powder off the table) "Yum! Tastes like sugar!"
"Do we ever call our lips the 'mouth lid?'"
"I want to watch 'Willy Wonker'!!!"
"I am NOT a vanilla bean. I am NOT cute. But, I am handsome."
(after smashing his lollipop with my *disgusting* foot skin file thingy and licking the lollipop and foot powder off the table) "Yum! Tastes like sugar!"
"Do we ever call our lips the 'mouth lid?'"
"I want to watch 'Willy Wonker'!!!"
"I am NOT a vanilla bean. I am NOT cute. But, I am handsome."
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
10 sure-fire ways to make your mother nuts in one afternoon...
1. While in unusually long bath (a.k.a. daddy is home alone with kids) grab and remove cap from brand new Bumble&bumble Conditioner.
2. Proceed to dump out conditioner and re-fill bottle with daddy's shaving cream.
3. While in bath that is ridiculously long and un-witnessed, take mom's department store facial wash and squeeze out all contents to make a new "squeeze water gun."
4. Shoot water over every inch of just freshly cleaned bathroom.
5. While dad is still at home and mom is out - go to her office and proceed to load 3 dvd's at a time into each computer drive, leave them for mom to find.
6. Before leaving office, proceed to unplug charging iPod cord and re-plug both ends into most inconspicuous openings of the printer and jam them in.
7. Later in afternoon - appear to be playing nicely with brother in basement. Remove hidden hairspray bottle and deftly squirt into both ear canals. Pretend that you have no idea what your mother is talking about when she asks you why you smell like flowers. Only admit the truth under duress.
8. After being shooed outside to play - grab ridiculously inefficient "wet-mop" that has a floor cleaning chemical inside that works at a push of a button. Proceed to spray every square inch of pile of powdered sidewalk chalk (of which you spent two hours pounding 10 large chalks with a brick the day before). Step into gooey blue-green mess and leave your footprint every where you go for at least 60 full steps.
9. After some r&r following the "wrath of mom," grab hidden bottle of nail polish. Empty bottle into newly-filled-and-ready-for-garden-watering rain barrel. Slowly and nearly incoherently admit to being the cause of the oil spill in the rain barrel.
10. After each instance, look up at mom with big, teary brown eyes. With a quivering chin say, "Oh, I didn't know that would happen. I didn't know that would be bad..."
2. Proceed to dump out conditioner and re-fill bottle with daddy's shaving cream.
3. While in bath that is ridiculously long and un-witnessed, take mom's department store facial wash and squeeze out all contents to make a new "squeeze water gun."
4. Shoot water over every inch of just freshly cleaned bathroom.
5. While dad is still at home and mom is out - go to her office and proceed to load 3 dvd's at a time into each computer drive, leave them for mom to find.
6. Before leaving office, proceed to unplug charging iPod cord and re-plug both ends into most inconspicuous openings of the printer and jam them in.
7. Later in afternoon - appear to be playing nicely with brother in basement. Remove hidden hairspray bottle and deftly squirt into both ear canals. Pretend that you have no idea what your mother is talking about when she asks you why you smell like flowers. Only admit the truth under duress.
8. After being shooed outside to play - grab ridiculously inefficient "wet-mop" that has a floor cleaning chemical inside that works at a push of a button. Proceed to spray every square inch of pile of powdered sidewalk chalk (of which you spent two hours pounding 10 large chalks with a brick the day before). Step into gooey blue-green mess and leave your footprint every where you go for at least 60 full steps.
9. After some r&r following the "wrath of mom," grab hidden bottle of nail polish. Empty bottle into newly-filled-and-ready-for-garden-watering rain barrel. Slowly and nearly incoherently admit to being the cause of the oil spill in the rain barrel.
10. After each instance, look up at mom with big, teary brown eyes. With a quivering chin say, "Oh, I didn't know that would happen. I didn't know that would be bad..."
Friday, March 12, 2010
How much wood would a...?
I found the complete first season of "Woody Woodpecker" on DVD at our local library. My boys have been totally enjoying the annoying antics of that crazy bird, watching an episode after school each day. My favorite part about this situation is that Sam comes home from school and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Toby! Want to watch 'Woody Woodchucker' now?" Every time he says it I chuckle, I can't help myself. And then I chant (in my head) "How much wood would Woody Woodchucker chuck...?"
He's not slowing down...I'M getting quicker!
While happily typing away at my computer I was ALMOST finished with an intricate project that only needed to be printed. About 10 seconds into said printing, everything went dark and quiet...
1 second: "What happened? Did the power go out to our neighborhood"
2 seconds: "No, the lights are on in the basement...IT'S the breaker box!"
3 seconds: "Dangit! I put that kid's scooter too close to the breaker box! He found it!"
4 seconds: running. stairs. running.
5 seconds: Greeted by Toby in the garage: "He did it, he did it, he did it" (pointing at Sam)
6 seconds: "Samuel, never, never, never flip these 100 switches off again! How the heck did you do this in 1 second? Never, never, never touch this box again."
1 hour later: still resetting clocks, my printing job, and still in disbelief that he found, opened, and switched off the entire breaker box. Seriously? And people wonder why I often end my day with a glass of wine...
1 second: "What happened? Did the power go out to our neighborhood"
2 seconds: "No, the lights are on in the basement...IT'S the breaker box!"
3 seconds: "Dangit! I put that kid's scooter too close to the breaker box! He found it!"
4 seconds: running. stairs. running.
5 seconds: Greeted by Toby in the garage: "He did it, he did it, he did it" (pointing at Sam)
6 seconds: "Samuel, never, never, never flip these 100 switches off again! How the heck did you do this in 1 second? Never, never, never touch this box again."
1 hour later: still resetting clocks, my printing job, and still in disbelief that he found, opened, and switched off the entire breaker box. Seriously? And people wonder why I often end my day with a glass of wine...
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